So this is a short post i’m bravely going to share the reality of my life right now.

So i’ll start by saying what i’m grateful for; My parents, my whole family, my cat (who btw is my world and yes I do consider her as my ‘baby girl’), my second family (possibly to be my in-laws) and of course My Fiancé. Without these people in my life I wouldn’t be here right now.

So I guess I had a rough start to life and it may have gotten more rough and wrecked.. possibly because of myself. I will write another post with full details of course, but right now i’ll tell you about the present.

Now let me tell you out of everything, the nights are my worst times. Sometimes I really do wonder if I’ll make it through to the mornings. My way of life right now is to take it day by day, hour by hour, minutes by minutes. Me and plans for the future to me aren’t visible at all. No one really knows what’ll happen tomorrow. Some have an idea.. but me, I see nout. I wake up in the mornings, I talk to my fiancé, and I have a shower or bath depending how bad my night was, and then I start the day. Every day is the same routine; shower, get dressed, dry my hair, do my make up, straighten my hair and do my bed. You’d think that’s what everyone does.. but let me tell you a couple of years ago.. I wouldn’t even get out of bed, so this routine is a good one! So then it proceeds, to a cup of tea, coffee and a snack, talking to the fiancé every break, then in the evenings is spending time with just him or him and his family. This is one of the best times of my day and probably the only thing I look forward to and can see happening every day. After a couple of hours I return home, take my sleeping pills and eventually after a cry or angry phase or something I fall asleep. You’d think “oh wow relaxed”, “lazy”, “aren’t you bored”. Its not like that at all, I struggle to get through the day and night, Yes I need to find something to do, but im battling so much in my head I don’t know where im going. So yeah.. that’s all i’m saying for now. Believe me, my reality isn’t easy, and no i’m not being lazy and being honest.. you don’t want what I have (except maybe the fiancé who sticks by me and puts up with all sorts of shit, or the cute cat who actually likes to hunt humans) x