Hello, Long time no see.

So it’s been six weeks since the most traumatic and mind blowing event of miscarrying peanut. I can’t believe the happiness I felt when I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know It would end so abruptly. That day I not only saw a tremendous amount of blood, but I also saw the sac with a tiny little bean inside. My heart has once again broken and I have never felt so much guilt. People tell me it happens and that it wasn’t my fault. But how wasn’t it my fault? It was inside me, I gave up everything the day I found out, yet I still lost the miracle that had given me a light to happiness.

I’ve tried to get through the days, but its like everytime I think about peanut I cant breathe. My eyes fill with tears. I have to lock it up in the back of my mind, but I don’t want to do that.